How do I start a self-care routine as a beginner?

So, I’m here to help!

At the time of writing this, I’m feeling like a complete beginner all over again, as I am in need of revamping my entire self-care routine. I just became a new mom for the first time, and as such, I’m exhausted and overwhelmed, and my old self-care routine is definitely not working for me as well as it used to. And since I’m a beginner at this time too, you don’t have to walk this path alone; you and I can embark on this journey of self-discovery together!

Here are some steps to help get you started today!

#1: Change Your Mindset

Self-care is not selfish!

First we need to abandon the thought that self-care is lazy, selfish, or unproductive.

Choosing rest does not mean we are being unproductive; it allows us the renew our energy that fuels meaningful work. Instead of viewing self-care as a luxury, we can try to view it as essential maintenance. Choosing to take care of yourself is not selfish. You can’t pour from an empty cup. When your own needs are met, you show up to your relationships and your responsibilities in more meaningful ways. And in a culture that glorifies burnout, slowing down is a quiet act of revolution. Every time you choose to recharge, you challenge the narrative that worth equals constant motion.

It’s Okay to Be a Beginner!

Most of the time, once we move into adulthood, it can be tough to allow ourselves to be a beginner. But if we’re going to create a self-care routine that lasts, we need to be able to embrace the beginner mindset and allow ourselves the luxury of being a beginner. This also means releasing a perfectionistic outlook because real self-care is very rarely perfect. It is oftentimes messy and changes day-by-day. So it’s time to make peace with the idea of being a beginner, give yourself some grace, and learn to laugh at yourself and make adjustments along the way when things don’t go according to plan.

Don’t Compare Yourself to Others (or Your Past Self!)

We need to make sure we are not comparing the beginning of our journey to the middle or end of anyone else’s (or even our past selves). When we compare our process to someone else’s, it can lead to feeling disheartened, defeated, or overwhelmed. When we compare our current selves to our past selves, the same can be true. We might think “I used to be able to do such-and-such” out of a way to motivate ourselves to get back to that point, but more often than not, it also leads to feeling disheartened or ashamed for no longer being at that point.

Two yogic philosophies might help us here, one of them states that we are not the same person we were yesterday, so we need to show up authentically for ourselves each day, not trying to be any versions of ourselves other than exactly who we are in this moment. Another is the Niyama (personal observance) of Santosha or Contentment. We must strive to be content with who we are in this moment, not getting caught up in the desire of a different experience.

#2 Start Small, Make Reasonable Goals

One of the fastest ways we can lose motivation to engage in our self-care routine is by falling into the “all-or-nothing” trap. This is a type of perfectionism that tells us things like “if I can’t get my full 60-minute workout in, what’s the point?” or “Well I told myself I’d journal a full page daily, but I only got half a page in today, so I’ve failed.” Perfection usually seems inspiring, but more often than not, it quickly becomes discouraging. If we only feel successful when we do something perfectly, we’ll often give up after the first off day or messy moment.

We want to start where you are and focus on progress over perfection. If you get outside for a few minutes and get some fresh air, or if you get a 5 or 10 minute exercise in when you otherwise wouldn’t, that’s a huge win. When we make goals too big, we risk getting overwhelmed, or feeling defeated if we don’t get it quite right. Instead, if we focus on making our goals small and achievable, we can feel accomplished, build momentum, and ultimately create a positive feedback loop that makes it easier to keep moving towards our goals.

How to Make S.M.A.R.T. Goals

By using a S.M.A.R.T. goals framework, we can create these small, doable goals that will help us make our self-care routine actually stick. S.M.A.R.T. stands for:

• Specific – Know exactly what you’re doing. Instead of “I’ll do more self-care,” say “I’ll meditate, exercise, or call a close friend ”
• Measurable – Do you want to make sure you complete your goals for a certain amount of minutes each week? Or a certain amount of days each week? Give yourself a way to track your progress. Something like “I want to exercise for 20 minutes a day, 3 times per week, for a total of 60 minutes per week.”
• Achievable – Set yourself up for success. If 20 minutes of exercise is too much, start with 10, or 5. Or, allow yourself to be flexible. Maybe some days you can’t get the full 20 minutes in, so you can say “I will try to get 20 minutes of exercise in, but I want to do a minimum of 5 minutes.”
• Relevant – Make sure the goal supports your needs and desires. Don’t commit to meditation if the thought of doing that sounds awful. Focus on activities you enjoy or are very interested in!
• Time-bound – Give it a timeframe. Try it for a few days, a week, or a month. That gives you a chance to reflect and adjust on the process.

So, putting all this together, a S.M.A.R.T. goal might look like “I will go on a walk twice per week for at least 10 minutes each time over the next two weeks.”

#3 We Need to Make Our Self-Care Practices Enjoyable

This can take some experimenting, trial and error, and flexibility. Above all, we want to make sure our self care is fun! We don’t need to force ourselves to engage in specific practices just because we think we should. Self-care looks different for everyone, so yours will be unique to you! The sound of running three miles every other day sound miserable to you? Maybe hula hoop or jump rope instead! Does the idea of sitting still for a meditation make you want to crawl out of your skin? Maybe try mindful walking or journaling! The bottom line is, there is no way we can create a sustainable self-care practice if the activities we are trying do not feel good to us.

In Summary

In order to have a self-care routine that works for you and is sustainable over time, you need to work on your mindset, make your goals reasonable, and choose activities that you can have some fun with and look forward to!